Snowed In

If The Boss is endorsing Obama, my mind is made up.

My guitar strings have been breaking. A lesser man would replace the strings, but I keep on playing. (warning: a little bit of foul language)

(Sea Lion of Love)

My diction is a little bad, so for reference the lyrics are:

You can take it all out–
you can take it all out on me.

Because you’re the sea lion–
the sea lion of love.

Don’t ask what it means, or complain about the quality because I just wrote it five minutes ago for the three stringed untuned guitar.

And in unrelated news, these kids are wonderful:

(Lip Dub - Take me for What I am)

I remember being a boy and deciding that being a boy was just better than being a girl. The memory of my justification is pretty hazy, but I can guess what was going through my head. Boys can do anything, I probably thought. Or maybe I was thinking that we’re strong and everyone admires us. Or that we get to do science and figure stuff out. Or some such bullshit.

Over the last few years I’ve realized that if there’s any truth to these things, it’s because of some really ugly structure in the world. And it’s activism, not smugness, that should be welling up in little boys.

But along with that realization has come a problematic switch. The things I used to admire about men–the confidence, the wielding of dangerous and powerful tools, the independence–I find those things more and more repulsive. And I find myself jealous of this other kind of power… power that isn’t fed by entrenched cultural structures, but instead exists despite them.

After all, what’s more bad-ass? A boy wielding the confidence the patriarchy bestowed upon him, or a girl wielding confidence that couldn’t be wrested from her? It’s easier being a dude, but where’s the pride in having all of this stuff handed to you? And what right do I have to feel good about my value in a feminist space? Isn’t that just the patriarchy trying to assert its universal importance through me?

I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I have a few insights, but the questions keep coming up, and I’m never really prepared for them.

It’s sort of ridiculous, but in the end, the thing that gives me the most comfort is sitting down and putting on a Rufus Wainwright record. As ugly as I think the patriarchy can be. I listen to his voice and I think… that, at least, is beautiful.

Yawn! *stretch* type type type. Good morning gentlemen. Yes, I loved it. Chan Chan is my favorite. There’s a nice cool breeze through the apartment. Let’s get this thing finished this morning so I can get out of this place before the stifling afternoon heat sets in.

Up to a couple pages and a paragraph now. Buena Vista Social club is serenading me on the radio Pandora. Dreaming about laying out under the stars, about long nights of coding, about making dance videos. Back to work…

Avril Lavigne has a new video out. Give it a look. Especially the first 17 seconds.

In the beginning of the video, this hetero couple walks by Avril and the girl gives her a nasty look. They keep walking and Avril walks up behind them, and he playfully kicks the guy in the ass as the music starts and she starts dancing and singing/taunting him “hey. HEY. you. YOU. I don’t like your girlfriend!”

It’s actually a pretty thrilling way to kick open a video, but I have mixed feelings about the message.

On the one hand, the music, the body language, the attitude just rings “fucking awesome” to me. First of all, she’s just flat out saying what’s on her mind. No mincing of words or fretting about what people will think. It’s got that high energy dance-singing musical theater vibe going on. Breaking with convention is exciting.

And I like that she’s not sitting around looking pretty waiting for someone to come after her. That’s a gender role we need to destroy. Ladies hunting lovers… that’s hot. And sort of implicit in that message is the notion that she has better things to do with her time (recording music) than wait around for a man to drop into her lap.

And if we ignore for a moment the problems with the idea of implied consent, her playful violence seems hot too. In our culture all men have basically implicitly consented to any form of “playful” violence coming from women. It’s culturally sanctioned S&M play with strangers. Why not?

That said, it’s physical violence. And we can’t ignore the problems with implied consent. And it emphasizes the idea that men maintain a position of physical dominance, even when being attacked by a woman. Is that really the medium in which we want to showcase assertiveness and flirting and boundary bending? What about bending the boundaries of gender roles, or showcasing assertiveness by standing up to true assholes? What about women actually taking legitimate physical control over men who need to be brought in line?

And she’s being cruel to the “girlfriend”. The video is basically her attacking this girl to make herself look and feel better and that sucks. Especially given that this video is mostly targeted at teenagers and that’s the last kind of role model they need.

It sucks that Avril Lavigne could totally rock a feminist message that would make her far more of a legitimate badass, yet she stoops to this childish kind of faux-punk faux-assertiveness instead. She has the attitude, she just needs the ideology.

Oh, and can we ditch this whole “all women want/need is a boyfriend/husband” thing?

My strategy in the new year is to take on a huge pile of new years resolutions. I’ve been compiling this list since December 28th. I might add stuff too. And make no mistake, all of these are getting done.

I’m going to volunteer for Computer Clubhouse in L.A.

I’m going to join a choir and start making friends with more chorus geeks. Update: As of Jan 8, I am part of the La Jolla Symphony Chorus!

I’m going surf a bunch with Allison and Lauren

I’m going to start a veggie dinner coop immediately and have people over for food All The Time!

I’m going to sign up for a food box w/ Lauren and Grant

I’m going to focus my scholastic energies on:
* The body/tool division
* An EUP tool for animated infovis
* Publishing BusyBodies
* Publishsing Underbelly
* Doing something awesome for Adaptive Dynamics
* Making Foundations of Neurobiology as painless and quick as possible
* Keeping far ahead in teaching obligations

I’m going to spend a little time on forkolator every now and then.

I’m going to always be aware of the state of my finances

I’m going to eat awesomely: just enough, veganesque,

I’m going to not miss concerts that I’d love to see

I’m going to write two letters a month. One to my gramma and one to someone else.

I’m going to call my mom at least once a week.

I’ll find more new music I love.

When people don’t want to kiss me back, I’ll be OK with it.

I’m growing out my beard and my hair so that I’m thinking about what my appearance represents to me, not how it looks to other people.

I’m going to spend the summer in Mexico

I’m going to start a feminist zine.

In the 19th century, many people were poor and lived in cold places. Their gloves had holes in the fingers from wear and tear, and, let’s face it, who can afford new gloves when you are a poor thatcher working 10 hours a day thatching roofs and falling off and breaking your legs and such? Health insurance wasn’t even invented in the 19th century.

Right, so back to music. In the 19th century, most music was happening in fancy pants opera and symphony halls and stuff, and it costed, like, GOLD pieces to get in. Most people didn’t have bronze pieces, let alone gold pieces, so that was TOTALLY an issue. The only music available to most people was travelling minstrels who would play music for pennies in the town square. The nice thing was, even if you didn’t have any pennies, you could still listen while you tried to sell winter squash in the market.

Another issue in 19th century was that it was mostly romantic. That’s fine if you’re a Duke or something and you want to take your Dutchess out to a romantic evening, but what if you’re all alone? There was no Linkin Park equivalent in the 19th century.

In conclusion, the 19th century was, like, forever ago. There weren’t even records, let alone ipods. Music was pretty weak, and way bougie. I’m pretty glad I grew up in the 21st century when music really became for the the masses. The Beatles, Punk Rock, Britney Spears. Who the heck could live without this stuff?