It should be noted that the actual title is “You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation”. I know you probably used “Men and Women” because it’s idiomatic, but I just wanted to emphasize that our idioms often give men primacy.

I speak freely in most groups now. I didn’t always. I was taught (probably not explictly) to wait for pauses in conversation and then interject. In addition to having to be patient, I also had to overcome quite a bit of personal doubt that I had anything constructive to say, or fight the fear that the first words out of my mouth would be ridiculed. Over time, the less I cared about the reactions, the more easily I was able to speak. While you describe your observations of women above, I think it is a role in conversation with which I very much identify.

In working with various groups of students this past semester, I noticed similar kinds of things arise with not just women but timid men and most international students. There are exceptions, of course (one who might be reading this), but I don’t think it is gendered as much as issues of power, confidence and culture. The setting matters a great deal. The same people who said nothing in conversations with a dozen other people opened up easily in 1:1 or breakout discussions with just a few people.

The eye cues are great techniques for including voices, as are direct questions to people you have noticed are trying to say things (or even those who you want to hear from who haven’t said anything).